Frustration Part Deux

24 Aug

What does one do when they’re faced with the dilemma that the person they enjoy spending their time with has falling in love with you? But the problem is that though you wish you could reciprocate those feelings, you can’t. & the frustrating part is that you genuinely care for that person but constantly seem to be hurting them. Of course the best thing to do is give them their space but the selfish part is that you don’t want to. Its an awful realization and I want to make things right but I’m left making it worse.

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Frustrations

9 Aug

Lately I feel as if things are out of my hand. For example, a friend asks about another friend of mine so of course I am going to mention their qualities and what positive things I think of them. However if that is to only find out you want to date them then of course I have to warn them about how theyre like to lead people on and tendencies for other non favorable behaviors.  I do this is because I am looking out for that individual in addition to not wanting to be stuck in the middle of it all if it becomes awkward yet I am the one is labeled as someone who is sabotaging things. Am I wrong? Perhaps.

Life is going by too fast these days, my phone constantly vibrating, email inbox lit up and text messages about wanting to hang out yet I dont have the time for that. Its funny because sometimes people rather be lead on that told the truth.

Change

10 Jul

I’ve been mulling over a few things lately. One has been popping up this past week till present – many of my friends and I have been discussing time and how quickly its passing by. The gist of the conversation being how we should grab the bull by the horns rather than fretting over what we haven’t accomplished yet. Quoting Daft Punk, its “the prime time of you life, now, live it.” And so there you have it. Its all about opening your eyes and making things happen. You can’t be passive. Thats for pussies. Tabbies to be exact.

Secondly, I’ve got a few projects in the works that I am eager about. Unfortunately I cannot disclose too much but its exciting. It is kinda a segue from what I mentioned earlier about following your heart and all that jazz.

Crumbling

17 Jun

Being addicted to praise makes you someone’s little bitch. Praise doesn’t even cost anything to the person giving it; chasing it is a terrible way to run one’s life. Furthermore, shit talking the person next to you is probably the most stupid move you could ever make. & that is one of the reasons why I try to stay clear of those situations. Why waste your breath.

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My room is a cluster. Everything is in piles and boxes are lined up. So in case you didnt know, I’m moving. Something I have been looking forward to for awhile. Shorter drive, in the city, being independent…. the list goes on. Not saying I am not grateful for the rent free abode I’ve been fortunate enough to be given but at some point I need to make some steps on my own. I already have many recipes and pinterest inspiration photos saved for my new place. Can’t wait to make some memories.

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Creativity. Its something I seek out. From being spontaneous, to gravitating towards the eclectic, I have always shifted my attention towards those types of individuals and things. Yet now I wonder if that was the smartest move I made. Is it me or are there many people who seem beyond hollow in addition to shallow, and have an ego the size of texas. No longer are the days of wholesome fun and genuine intentions – though I did get a glimpse of it this weekend. But nonetheless, people (and by people I mean men) are more along the lines hastening to see how far they can get. Its exhausting. Truly. Leaves me hopeless. Seriously.

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Take the time and do something kind with the expectation of nothing in return. It is quite uplifting and satisfying beyond any material thing.

Kismet

3 Jun

I think I am finally accepting that I am a dork. Yes, I subtly like to make awkward jokes and blurt out quite odd word pairings or phrases but thats just me. If I tried to behave otherwise I would only be fooling myself. Its ok to be a nerd and geek out or have your mind go off a mile a minute. Wonderful in fact. & its even better when someone appreciates my quirkiness and finds it endearing.

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As I said before and will continue to say, my mind tends to buzz right by with ideas and thoughts. As I am making new leaps in life and embark upon unfamiliar opportunities, I remain awed at what I am learning about myself and my predilections. There is definitely an abundance of things that seek my attention. You know, the usual like life, love, career, family, friends, etc. Its fascinating and inspiring to see others who seem to have everything together and blend all those bits and pieces together so effortlessly.

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Frisky

1 Jun

What Shall We Make Of This

15 May

Today has been a flurry of things – peculiar and odd. Sometimes I have the urge to scream at the world “STOP!” just to take a deep breath and balance my footing. Unfortunately that isn’t quite the scenario I hoped for. Life still continues to stroll on its merry way as I continue to be baffled… actually not sure if you would call it baffled, more along the lines of perplexed. This evening is a prime example of how confused I tend to be with life’s little pranks. So my uncle’s visit had to come to a close and wanted to see him off with a nice dinner before dropping him at LAX. Conveniently enough we go to westwood (persian food haven) and feast on kabob. Pretty much the from moment my foot touched the ground, one event after another occurred. Immediately I bumped into a gent, family friend, whom I haven’t seen since my london days. Furthermore, he just so happens to be visiting from the midwest. It was awkward to say the least because I think he was on a date (girl seemed really nice – shy but nice) and having my family entourage didn’t simplify the milieu either. We exchanged our hellos then my family and I went inside to feast on a scrumptious meal. We were all settled and just placed our order when they show up – one person in particular stood out. Even more of a happenstance. Image this: someone who you once couldn’t help but to smile at the thought of their name, where memories are so deeply embedded into your mind you can do nothing to forget them, fragrances trigger thoughts and evoke these little time capsules that swoosh you back to that happy yet oh so bitter place. Now try to act as cool as a cucumber when that individual and their family come to say hello and give you a hug. Mixed emotions surge through my veins and there I am sitting down, staring at a plate full of kabob and having a mid-out-of-body-experience. I start to ponder on “why their girlfriend isn’t there, why did they have to go to this particular restaurant, do I look good, why do I care, omg can he see me from the other side of the table…Guisou shut up.” “Sorry brain, can’t help it.” Then I get upset for even caring, for even giving them that headspace free of rent. Lousy and oh so hilarious all at once, cause as you can see life has a funny way of playing tricks. I had to excuse myself to the restroom and give a pep talk while looking at the mirror. Deep breaths. Then I glided back to my table and pretended like nothing happened. Pretended being the key word. Now on to another topic of the night, Instagram. Ah yes, another social media notch to add to your tech savvy belt. One, why do I even give a shit? Besides the fact that I like to capture images that express myself.  Nonetheless its only social media… at least thats what I think it is. Be careful not to tell others though, their world might shatter.

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I have absolutely not one inkling of an idea who reads my blog and if the “stuff” aka content I write even makes sense or relevant but at least it is real.

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