What Shall We Make Of This

Today has been a flurry of things – peculiar and odd. Sometimes I have the urge to scream at the world “STOP!” just to take a deep breath and balance my footing. Unfortunately that isn’t quite the scenario I hoped for. Life still continues to stroll on its merry way as I continue to be baffled… actually not sure if you would call it baffled, more along the lines of perplexed. This evening is a prime example of how confused I tend to be with life’s little pranks. So my uncle’s visit had to come to a close and wanted to see him off with a nice dinner before dropping him at LAX. Conveniently enough we go to westwood (persian food haven) and feast on kabob. Pretty much the from moment my foot touched the ground, one event after another occurred. Immediately I bumped into a gent, family friend, whom I haven’t seen since my london days. Furthermore, he just so happens to be visiting from the midwest. It was awkward to say the least because I think he was on a date (girl seemed really nice – shy but nice) and having my family entourage didn’t simplify the milieu either. We exchanged our hellos then my family and I went inside to feast on a scrumptious meal. We were all settled and just placed our order when they show up – one person in particular stood out. Even more of a happenstance. Image this: someone who you once couldn’t help but to smile at the thought of their name, where memories are so deeply embedded into your mind you can do nothing to forget them, fragrances trigger thoughts and evoke these little time capsules that swoosh you back to that happy yet oh so bitter place. Now try to act as cool as a cucumber when that individual and their family come to say hello and give you a hug. Mixed emotions surge through my veins and there I am sitting down, staring at a plate full of kabob and having a mid-out-of-body-experience. I start to ponder on “why their girlfriend isn’t there, why did they have to go to this particular restaurant, do I look good, why do I care, omg can he see me from the other side of the table…Guisou shut up.” “Sorry brain, can’t help it.” Then I get upset for even caring, for even giving them that headspace free of rent. Lousy and oh so hilarious all at once, cause as you can see life has a funny way of playing tricks. I had to excuse myself to the restroom and give a pep talk while looking at the mirror. Deep breaths. Then I glided back to my table and pretended like nothing happened. Pretended being the key word. Now on to another topic of the night, Instagram. Ah yes, another social media notch to add to your tech savvy belt. It was at the moment I was uploading a photo that I noticed my followers went down by one. I took the time to look through and see who it could be and thats when I noticed the bullshit. One, why do I even give a shit? Sorry but its only instagram. I can’t be mad if they dont want to see my photos anymore. Its only social media… at least thats what I think it is. Be careful not to tell others though, their world might shatter. Then I noticed ppl who decided to stop following me. I was engrossed in fascination as to why, what and how they stopped. It made me briefly feel like I did something wrong. Light went off in my head and rationally told me to grow a pair and cut the bullshit. So that is what I did. Still find it funny, maybe its karma, maybe its not even a big deal. It still happened regardless and I doubt ill remember this stupid bullshit when I’m 80…. like I am really going  to say on my deathbed….”Oh I wonder why so-and-so stopped following me back on instagram.”

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I have absolutely not one inkling of an idea who reads my blog and if the “stuff” aka content I write even makes sense or relevant but at least it is real.

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when-i-have-to-walk-by-my-ex-and-his-friends

Cosmic | Patterns

Today is the day where we give praises to the leading ladies that have shaped our lives, who have sacrificed their time, patience and so selflessly nurtured us to be who we are today. I cannot express how much I love my mother for everything she has done. And of course their are days to which I feel like a child again and think I know what is best. Nonetheless, the wisdom of my mother is invaluable. I don’t believe that being grateful for our mother’s should be allocated to one specific day but our praises should be a constant, for they are not just a mother for one day, but the rest of their lives. They signed up to take up such humbling roles. Immeasurable love continuing at a cosmic rate.

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I am an over-thinker. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. I analyze things that lack being fretted over. My mind looks over minuet details and situations, highlighting them on a grand scale. With that being said, I’ve realized that my time and attention should be shifted towards things that will result in fruitful outcomes. Love for example, is not one of them. Why worry who I am going to meet? Don’t answer, thats a rhetorical question. There are things that are out of our hands, that only time will tell. Thats when you say “fuck it” and with absolute faith, believe things will turn out for the best. Another thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I speak of doing grand things (that means a multitude of options that will sooner or later reveal themselves) yet it only manifests itself into hollow words. I need actions. With those actions come sacrifice & that is something I will feel satisfied with. I don’t want to just be that girl who is fine with getting by and continuing on a path that seems bland. I want and will be that person who follows through, who will make a difference. I am hungry for things beyond the satisfactory but remarkable. That means putting my needs first, being a little selfish in order to be content with my life later on. Sorry if I am not interested in a party or I cannot hang out after work or dont text you enough, I need to focus on me & if you can understand as well as appreciate my efforts to do something different than the ordinary, thank you.

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Several movies I would like to watch

Oh joy

http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com/post/22178968749/my-advice-on-life

Pinterest

Finally came on board folks.

Can find most of my time being spent here —> http://pinterest.com/guisou/

Growing Up

Responsibilities only grow as you reach adulthood. Its funny how as children and youth we want to be adults and do grown up things but don’t realize what comes with the territory. Its kind of mortifying and humbling trying to pay bills on time and then having heaps of things thrown upon my plate. I struggle to stay afloat. Its a new experience that I am dealing with. No longer can I be carefree and think things will sort themselves out. I now wonder if I will be able to save up for things such as a house and even retirement (I think ahead slash worry quite a bit…sometimes). Its quite mind boggling. I know I am not the first nor the last who will be faced with this circumstance and I applaud those who have had to deal with this sooner than I. It makes me put everything into question. Am I really going about this all right? Should I really buy another pair of shoes or travel when there are payments and bills to be sorted through? I would like to say no to some and yes to others. So this is where I stand. Shaking in my boots and hoping that all works out. Pray for me.

** I also want to add that though I can easily ask my parents to help me out, I feel that at a certain point I should rely on myself. Though my parents are well off, I do not want to be like some people who continue to mooch aka suckle their parents money teat. Sorry for the visual folks just stating the facts.

My Mind